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Is where you will most likely find me from now on. I am getting tired of my username....so...yea....

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

Ah! je ris de me voir
Marguerite's aria from Faust

Ah, I laugh to see myself
so beautiful in this mirror,
Ah, I laugh to see myself
so beautiful in this mirror,
Is it you, Marguerite, it is you?
Answer me, answer me,
Respond, respond, respond quickly!
No No! it’s no longer you!
No...no, it’s no longer your face;
It’s the daughter of a king,
It’s no longer you, etc.
One must bow to her as she passes!
Ah if only he were here!
If he should see me thus
Like a lady
He would find me so beautiful, Ah!
Like a lady,
He would find me beautiful!
Lets complete the metamorphosis,
I am late yet in trying on
The bracelet and the necklace!
God! it’s like a hand
Which is placed on my arm! Ah, ah!
Ah, I laugh to see myself so beautiful in this mirror!

-----------------------------End of the song------------------------

Hey, long time no see.....
I've been a bit busy, and tired, and just sad.
It's all hard to explain, but I shall try.

SAT/School
Well, I take my SAT this Saturday. June 3rd. I dread that. I have a lot practice books I have been using and I think I will do pretty good....I hope.
My grades in school are pretty good. I got a C in English class.
But I still have a D in Geometry, so basically if I don't get a C by the end of the school year I fail it. NOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And I really don't want to take it again next year. I don't have room in my schedule to re-take it, and I refuse to be stuck here for another year.
Speaking of schedules, my school schedule for next year is this:
-Algebra II (If I can pass Geometry)
-Honors English 12
-Government
-Biology II
-Concert Choir
-Acting I
-Music Theory
So basically half boring school stuff and half wonderful music things.
Hopefully it won't be a bad thing.

Singing/Chorus/Lessons
Speaking of singing, since my solo performance my mom has really been nice to me. And I think now she has more faith in me, and it is really nice.
Now, about chorus. Miranda, this annoying suck-up in my chorus class has been complaining all year that she can't hit the soprano notes, for our graduation song she had Mr. Thomas switch her to Alto. Well, I was in there when he was talking about it, so I begged him to put me as a Soprano, I can hit the notes easily. Well, he said he would, but then the next class he said he had to ask Heather first. Well, my luck she wasn't there that day. So the next class he asked her, and he made the mistake of telling her that I wanted in that section, thus, she said yes to her being a soprano. But what TRULY bugs me is that he PROMISED me. And, she has behind-the-wheel the rest of the year and won't be in there when we are learning the song (We spend the first half of class singing the song and the rest watching a movie), SOOOOO when we go to perform at Graduation (June 10th) she won't know her part.
NOW, onto my singing lessons. I have really enjoyed them. They are worth every penny. I am now learning "When I am Laid" from Dido & Aenas. And I am singing it at Ms. Hughes' recital. And Ms. Hughes has a lot of faith in me and has big plans for next year. She wants me to do All-District and Honors Choir and try to get in All-State. -Really excited-

Weekend Job

Well, my mom informed me on Thursday that her boss wanted me to help them this weekend cook cheeseburgers and hotdogs to help their sales. So yesterday and today and tomarrow I shall be cooking at her work. And hopefully making some good money. I'm hoping for about $300 or at least around that, mostly because I got really sunburned on my chest the first day. >< Even though I wore sunscreen. I have no clue what is up lately with me and getting burned, but it is really starting to suck.
And to add to this, my mom and me are thinking about me working with her this summer so I can get a new car. YAY!!! x 3,000.

Misc.

Also, a new mexican restaraunt opened up in my town. Well, I am in a class where we do website, poster, business cards, menus, and flyer designs. Well, this menu needed help and I mean LOTS of help. So, I asked them if I could re-do one of their menus and they said yes. So I am redoing their menu and it is looking REALLY REALLY good and once I finish I am going to give it to them and they are going to pay me and use it. YAY! And I'm going to scan it in and put it up here cause I now own not one but two scanners. I just haven't hooked them up yet to see if they work. More information coming later.

Mom/Hospital

I forgot to add this in with the original journal, so I just added it. Last Friday (Not the one before yesterday) my mom had a seizure and was stuck in the hospital since last Wed. The problem with this is that it cancelled my trip to the Classical Singer College Expo 2006. ;-; I had been really looking forward to it. Anyways, my mom is now out, she is doing fine, in fact she shouldn't have even stayed in there that long, stupid doctors. But now my dad is really pissy and my mom is realizing she hates him a lot, and her doctor hates him because he was saying bad stuff about my mom in front of my brother in front of the doctor, so he hates him. -Loves Doctor-
Again, she is fine, and she is at home now. Only bad thing about it is that she has lost weight. Which BLOWS MY MIND!!
Because I exercise, I eat well and I can't loose weight. Yet, she goes to the hospital for a few days and comes back 2 sizes smaller. I HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT!!!

Goodbye
Not sure what else to say, I'm sure SOMETHING will come to me later and I will then update this.
Oh and the reason behind my sadness. I haven't talked to Cody in forever and Penguin hasn't really been talking to me much. ;-; So I sad....

Edit: If anyone wants to donate to my singing lessons this is my email: Katherine5005@yahoo.com and it is my Paypal email. Thank you in advance.

Well, tonight was my solo. I think it went really well. I was nervous before hand, but once I got on stage it wasn't as bad.
My mom was in tears, she was so proud, and had never realized I could sing like that.
A lot of people kept congratulating me on it, and it made me feel really well.

So, all and all, it went really well. And I am very proud of myself and....yea.....just numb and happy.

Well, the concert is about a week away on this Monday.
I'm nervous.
I had to try out again today to make sure Mr. Thomas knew I was going to sing.
The way he acted.......I don't think he wanted me to sing. And this is making me really sad and depressed. Oh well, tough cookies to him, I'm going to sing. ^^
And then that weekend is my private teacher's recital. I get to sing there as well.

Yea......you all needed to know. ^^

---------------Edit ---------------------------

GOD, it isn't fair.

Ever since I can remember when I got a privlidge.....(Doesn't look right, I spelled it wrong, don't care) So has John. Like when I turned 13 and was allowed to order off the adult menu, John made a fuss and was allowed, EVEN THOUGH he was 9 and could order off the kids menu he was allowed to. EVEN THOUGH!!! when I was 9 I HAD!! to order off it.
NOW, he is saying he wants piano lessons because I have singing lessons and it isn't fair. I had to wait 16 to take lessons for something and as soon as I am allowed that chance so is he.
I'm shocked they haven't let him drive since I started that. Or that he is allowed to date or to do some other privalidge I am allowed to.

AND to make matters worse, my singing teacher cancelled AGAIN! This is the 3rd time, I will admit I cancelled once because I was really really sick, but I have two performances in a week and she cancels. But it is sort of good because my mom is a lazy idiot who won't get up so I would have had to drag her up to go.

And I'm going to the prom this Friday....alone. I'm about ready to take the dress back and sell my ticket because I know it will suck.
This week is going to be shitty, I can already tell.